Ian in your rough draft I noticed immediately that the introduction, in my opinion, sounds a bit unconvincing.
“This explains the argument in an efficient way that states facts and data for the reader that is an eye opening argument that every parent should see before they decide on their child’s future.”
This sentence here appears to be assuming something quite large for the reader. I understand what you are attempting to say in the sentence but I do believe there might be a much more precise way to word it. The introduction over all lacks power; word choice is definitely something you should play with to construct a more captivating introduction. Adding more information might be a good idea as well.
The context of your essay seems to reference how the author uses ethos, logos, and the use of transitions all of which can definitely make an argument more effective, however, as the paper is now I would not agree that it is an argument powerful enough to belong in the chapter of “Well Made Arguments”. Perhaps elaborating a little more on those strategies that the author is using might make it more convincing. Keep it up! :)
Alexandra’s Essay:
Lexi right? Well, to start off as I read through your paper I
thought you definitely have a strong writing ability. I also chose this
argument, however, I believed that it did make a strong argument. I noticed
major differences in our interpretations of the text I honestly can say that
you definitely supported yourself quite well. Your entire third paragraph is
golden. At first, I assumed that Hymowitz was being very biased about the whole
“pre-adult male” concept as if she was stereotyping man in general as they are
typically portrayed in romantic comedies. I went a little above and watched the
interview video that was adjacent to the article which I believe gave much more
incite to what Hymowitz is trying to say about all the good men being
gone. There is not very much I can
negatively critique on as far as your context goes just keep an eye out for
your quotations. Some are a bit lengthy and missing proper citation (second
paragraph, first quote). Great Job!
This is a very professional and well written essay. Your essay flows smoothly and exemplifies exceptional diction and syntax. The arguments you make to show the author's poor argument about how there are no good men left is very good. The statement where you explain how the author uses a celebrities word to support the argument, and you challenge that argument with facts was solid. If there is any where to improve on this essay, it may be to more frequently identify the terminology of the specific technique that the author uses or doesn't use. This may clarify to some readers what you are claiming about the article. Otherwise, very good essay.
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